“You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” –John 13:7

This scripture comes from a place of Jesus serving others by washing their feet. Lately I’ve felt as though I was in a place of Jesus being silent and waiting for me to figure things out on my own, little did I know he was doing more to serve me than I could’ve ever asked.

Not literally, obviously… Jesus wasn’t here on Earth, but let me tell ya people, His plan is so intricately and complicatedly perfect.

To preface this I want to say that following Jesus isn’t always fun and sometimes it causes us to do things we don’t always understand or necessarily want to do, but in my current time of being upset and wishing Jesus hadn’t given me a certain answer to a request that I had presented, he revealed how in the past he has lined things up so perfectly that even in my times of stubborn rebellion of questioning and wondering what in the world I am doing in a certain place, He is faithful even when we are questioning.

I recently ended up in a position in an organization that I did not understand, it was not what I applied for and to be quite honest as optimistic as I was, I wasn’t very happy about it, but I accepted the position.

The majority of the time in my position I spent resentful, I struggled with the whole “work to glorify the Lord, not other people” I never really understood how something that had nothing to do with Jesus or the church or the Gospel could bring glory to god through a work ethic, however, school was in session on that one.

I recently applied for another organization, naming the top three positions I would like to fulfill. I received the second position I applied for which coincidentally was eerily similar to the recent position which I most days resented having.

Funny how Jesus does things like this because at the time of accepting the next position I had no idea the similarities. I was more than thrilled to accept this one and felt very comfortable with it seeing as how I had just served in a similar capacity in a different organization.

It wasn’t until recently while struggling with another situation that I put two and two together, God had me in the position that I didn’t want so that I would be able to serve in the next position. The latter position I am speaking of is for an organization that plans an annual event for college students to unify the body of believers on a campus, thus spreading the love of the Gospel and strengthening his followers through fellowship.

It is all so funny to me because the second position is one that very obviously is Christ oriented, I would not be able to serve the team I am on in the capacity that I am had I not been on the team I was unhappy about being on.

I finally understand the meaning of working to glorify God in all things, even when you can’t see Jesus in the middle of it all, for one thing, because of that position I am capable of serving in the organization that brings direct Glory to His name. Sometimes Jesus has us in positions not to benefit us or to please us or make us happy or help reaffirm our pride-filled selves by always allowing us to get the positions or promotions we want, but to prepare us to later serve Him and His Kingdom in a better capacity.

It isn’t all about us.

I am slowly grasping the idea of what it means to lay our lives at the cross and submit fully to His will and plan. Sometimes that means doing things not for us, but to prepare us for something we aren’t even aware of yet.

Another huge thing I have learned is that Jesus will use us, even when we aren’t exactly cooperating. The first position I had, the one I resented, I was grumpy about the entire term, I mean you would’ve thought someone was absolutely forcing me to do things, however Jesus was still able to use that to teach me something and prepare me for something later.

He also taught me how He has a hand in all things. While I should have, I didn’t consider God’s plan at all in the first position, I treated it like another position on campus that I had applied for because of a passion I had. Not something the Lord had set before me to use for Him.

This also speaks to the attitude of a Christian. Coming full circle to the idea of working for His glory and not our own or other people, I have to say looking back, the majority of my negativity was not how someone who is seeking after God daily would act. That is a lesson I will not soon forget.

To sum it all up, find His joy and presence in all things and know that he is possibly using wherever you are currently to prepare you to serve Him and His kingdom later.

This brings me to my next idea, serving the Lord. What better title could a person have than, “servant of the Lord”? This is something Christine Caine spoke about at Passion, which is a conference I attended in Houston over the break exclusively for college students. While the conference was filled with incredible worship, messages that pierced right through my heart and shook me to the core again, this one stuck to me and has even resurfaced to teach me something new in the past week or so.

Did you know that the only title God ever gave Moses was “servant of the Lord”? And that wasn’t even while he was alive, that was after his death when he couldn’t even feel the pride that surely would have caused.

How humbling is that?

That someone who did as much as He did for God’s kingdom would be called servant, something most of us would never even consider a compliment.

Then, to blow your mind even just a little more Joshua, who would lead the Israelites into the Promised Land started as nothing more than basically an assistant to Moses. That means his title would have been assistant to a servant.

I know few people who would be happy about that and even fewer people who would give that position their all to be the best they could, however through Joshua’s faithfulness to serve in the position he was given, he was later able to lead the people to the Promised Land.

That’s a pretty big deal.

My point in this is that I highly doubt Joshua went into this whole situation thinking, ya know, I’m going to help Moses until he dies so that I can then become the person to finish His job.

No, that was a blessing that was given through his faithfulness and willingness to serve where he was placed.

I tell you this because he did not use a position of service as a stepping stool to a better position, he was simply serving his God and that is the type of heart I want to have.

I’ve learned a lot in the past year, but I think one of the biggest things is that the most I could ever hope to be in this life is a servant of the Lord and while that may sound wonderful, I know that it does not come through picking and choosing where we want to serve.

Jesus doesn’t always fit in our 5-year-plan. This is something else I have learned. When we give our lives to God, we don’t get to give Him a map of what we had in mind to go along with it.

Sometimes we’re going to have to have the faith to give up something we thought we loved more than anything else on this Earth with the faith that God has something better for us, or something that will bring more glory to His name.

Sometimes we have to endure things we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy for the growing experience and the strength that comes from trials of that sort and to experience God’s comfort and realize that it is all a part of His process. The process is almost never fun, but He will never leave your side, and he will not put us through things without reason.

I recently heard someone say, “God does not cause the hurt and pain of this world, but He is most certainly in control of it.” That being said He will not let it go to waste, if we let Him, He can always use that hurt or pain for His glory and to make us look more like Jesus.

Lately I have been in a state of confusion, hurt, frustration, resentment, sadness and another good mix of emotions. I played a game with God and asked Him to reveal something to me, but it wasn’t something I wanted His answer to.

It’s like when you ask someone the answer to a question, but you already have an idea of what you want them to say, so when they tell you a different answer you get kind of upset and try to change their answer.

I got my answer, but instead of accepting it and knowing that God’s plan is most certainly best for me, I ignored it.

I went on about my business and acted like it didn’t happen, like I didn’t ask for guidance and receive a crystal clear response.

Let me tell you friends, this is a dangerous thing. I was playing like it didn’t happen because the answer I got wasn’t what I planned for. The answer I got wasn’t the safe choice. The answer I got hurt a whole lot more and took a lot of faith to get through.

It was almost like I thought it was something  God would change His mind on if I ignored it for long enough. This is when I felt like God was giving me the silent treatment. Let me tell ya folks, that’s a miserable place to be.

I kept turning to God for other things but ignoring the huge thing I knew he was prompting me to do, I was expecting God to keep giving when I wouldn’t accept what he already laid before me.

Can I tell you the peace and affirmation I received when I finally took that leap of faith and trusted God with the first answer I got? It was in that moment I saw how God had worked in my past and had no choice but to know He would take care of me and that the things He has set before me are what will bring Him the most glory.

I’m not telling you it was easy, I’m not telling you it didn’t hurt and I’m definitely not telling you I don’t have second thoughts.

However, last time I checked, I don’t recall Jesus ever telling anyone, “Follow me, it will be fun, easy, pain-free, and super easy to understand.”

No, no, the command is simple, “Follow me”.

I rambled a lot, and this was a long post for sure, but I hope my heart was portrayed through this all. It isn’t always easy, fun or what we think we want at the time, but following Jesus is always worth it, it is always planned, He is always in control and while we may feel pain or hurt at the time it is simply because we cannot see the bigger picture and the good that is coming or the glory that is being brought to Him.

After all, I’ve never met a servant who liked all the work they had to do, or a star player in any game that didn’t struggle to get where they are. Be a star player in God’s roster of servants. I know I certainly will be striving with a willing heart to serve God for all of my days so that one day I may hear nothing more than well done, my good and faithful SERVANT.

“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord” –Romans 12:11