Have you ever felt like you’re always halfway somewhere? Like you almost feel like you’re never completely there but you’re always so close, you’ve always only “almost got it”. This is where I have been lately.

To be completely transparent with you I have to say in the past 2 years that I have been a saved Christian I’ve had this feeling a lot. I constantly find myself praying to have more of a desire and passion for God, asking for the simple willingness to seek and learn intently everyday.

This weekend, for the first time in a while, I intentionally listened to what God had to say and heard it loud and clear. I’m not lacking a desire or passion, or willingness or anything related. The answer is simple and I couldn’t see it because I didn’t want to.

The reason I’ve been so close but lacking lately, feeling like I’m always an inch too short isn’t because I’m missing any big, bright flashing sign. I’m not lacking the want to, I’m lacking the commitment.

That sounds drastic at first, but let me clarify. I’m not saying my life is not fully committed to Christ and I’m not saying I feel the need to rededicate. I’m saying I’m on the team but I only show up to practice half the time.

I played sports in high school, so we’ll take this example and run with it.

If you have ever played a sport you know everyone has different commitment levels. You have the people who are there early to every practice and stay late after, you have the group that puts out the expected amount of effort, showing up to practice and doing what they’re asked and then you have the group that shows up when they feel like it and puts out the minimum effort to remain a part of the team.

They all have a desire to play, they aren’t lacking passion. You can ask any of them when it comes game time if they want to play or not and they’ll all say yes. The difference between the groups is dedication and commitment level.

They all have the uniform. They all get to wear it on game day. They’re all Christians saved by the grace of God alone. They were all once sinners until they were shown mercy and given a jersey to play on the team. They all realize the only way to play on the team is through the Coach. They all see that they had to give up any other team they were playing for to be on this one. They’re all passed that point, they’re all on the team and will be there on game day.

However, pre-season is one of the most important parts of the game.

That’s where I’m at, pre-season. Lately I’ve been that player that did what was expected, but not a bit more and not a bit less. I’ve been blaming it on a lack of desire or passion when in all reality I’ve become lazy, complacent and distracted.

It’s not that I don’t want more of God, it isn’t that I don’t long to become more like Him and know His Word like second nature, it isn’t that I don’t want to read my bible intentionally and on a regular basis, it isn’t that I don’t want to remain in constant prayer and it certainly isn’t that I don’t know how to do these things.

That’s another excuse I find myself turning to a lot as well. You know, the one that says I would do it if I knew how. Like the child that has had dozens and dozens of sporting lessons but won’t show their mom or dad what they learned because they “forgot”. That’s not the case, they’ve been told 100 times, they just don’t want to show mom and dad because it wasn’t their idea and they simply don’t want to at the time.

I’ve gotten caught up in hearing that we can’t be good enough and that we aren’t worthy, well duh. That’s why Jesus died on the cross, then my mind wanders to the area saying, yes He did, but you can’t try hard enough for Him, it simply isn’t possible. Again, DUH. It isn’t about being good enough or trying hard enough. I have learned there is a distinct difference between earning and effort.

Basically the point I’m getting to is once you’re on the team, it doesn’t mean we get to hang out and chill until Jesus comes back, and while yes it is the power of God that changes a person in such a radical manner, and yes, He can use us to accomplish His will here on earth, that doesn’t mean we should sit around and wait for it to happen. If we remain idle and complacent how do we ever expect to reach the full potential of who God intended us to be?

I was so caught up in thinking that it was God’s job to change me and use me that while He’s taken a million and one steps with a cross on His back, for someone as unworthy as me, I’ve been sitting, waiting and asking for more of a desire?

Well, joke’s on me because a burning desire and passion comes from spending time with The Lord. It comes from working continually and daily to learn His Word. It comes from serving others as He did. It comes from taking the next step.

Maybe I’m the only one, but I feel like I’m not the only person that was saved and then kind of had the “now what?” feeling. I thought that the immediate desire to read my bible daily and pray to Him continually came automatically. Like in that moment there was supposed to be a feeling like someone flipped a switch. Wrong.

If being the dedicated there everyday, early and after team member was easy, everyone would do it. We would all be all-stars when it came to sharing the Gospel, we would never be afraid or timid when the other team got a little more aggressive and we’d be the best defensive team in the world because we had the best Defensive Coach on our side.

It takes time and drive. We have to want to be that person, we have to make a conscious decision that that’s the kind of player we”re going to be. We have to take the next step. We’re on the team, so what are we waiting for? The Coach got us there, so are we expecting Him to put on our jersey and play the game too? That’s our job. Everyone gets to play, and we’ve already been given a spot on the team, we’re not trying to earn anything, we’re simply putting forth the effort to do our part.

Obviously He is there through the whole thing, coaching us, helping us, encouraging us and giving us the wisdom we need to be successful in His name. We just have to actively listen and react.

So, this is me saying I wanna be all in. No more halfway there, no more almost getting it. I wanna be so lost in the game that I don’t hear the other team or the crowds of people but all I hear is my Coach’s voice. The only thing I want to be able to say is that I’m a part of that team and that I am His.

Game on.

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” –Romans 14:19