So, lately I feel as thought I’ve been faced with nothing other than right vs. right choices. What does this mean you ask? Well, you know when you have two perfectly good options and it comes down to strictly what you prefer? Like either way you go the outcome will be about the same? These are right vs. right choices.

I’ve learned that in the grown up world we have a lot more of these than we do right vs. wrong choices. I think that’s why a lot of people don’t like growing up. I also think that it’s something grown up people don’t tell younger people because it’s something everyone has to learn about with the hard way.

That, and to be honest it’s not worth worrying anyone before they’re dealing with because there’s no way to prepare for these choices, and there’s no way to help someone with them or show them the easy way out of them.

These choices are similar to my worst nightmare. I am an extremely analytical person, I don’t make choices lightly and I make sure to consider all options and repercussions. I’m a very cautious person and one of my biggest fears is hurting people. This is why I hate these choices, because sometimes they come down to choosing the option that causes less damage rather than doing the most good.

Sometimes the damage is equal and you just have to pick where you want to put it. You don’t get much of a say either way, it feels more like choosing wrong vs. wrong with no way out. To put it simply a lot of the times I feel as though my choices are a trap. I feel stuck.

Have you ever felt stuck? Like you’re just in this place where you’re doing all the right things but then you hit a wall and you try to turn around only to see that there’s been another wall following you the whole time, you just didn’t know it? Now you have a choice, you can try to move the wall or climb it, either way it’s a struggle and either way it may not be possible, you just don’t know it yet.

What if you climb to the top only to find yourself in a smaller trap than before? What if you push and push to move the wall only to move it to a place where the conditions are more hazardous? Lately this is where I have found myself.

The two walls are very distinct. One is my head and the other my heart. I’ve been struggling so much that the internal war is so loud I can hardly focus. I recently heard a sermon telling me exactly what to do, but I don’t really know how to do it.

God takes full responsibility for a life totally yielded to him. He wants all your problems, struggles and confusion. He wants to lead you through that and in the right direction. I completely understand that and I gave my life to Christ the night he saved and redeemed me, but how do you let Him handle your problems? How do you be still and listen when the storm in you head is too loud to hear anything? Where do you go when in your few moments of focus and silence you don’t hear anything?

In my most recent situation I have been so filled with emotion and confusion that I’m lost, I’ve had so many thoughts and analyzed everything to the point of talking myself in circles and instead of going up or pushing my way out, I’ve only dug myself deeper.

I’m in a position where there’s a chance of happiness or heartbreak either way and once I make my choice it’s out of my hands. So, the struggle is, how do I take the situation out of my hands and put it in God’s? It’s days like this I wish God had shared the blueprints he drew up for my life, or even just a piece of them to show me what my next move is.

I trust God in every way, I know His plan for my life is greater than I can fathom and more intricately designed than is even possible for the human mind to grasp. I would choose that plan for my life over anything I could dream up any day. As much as I may desire something, I truly yearn for His will to be done daily.

Sometimes I just have trouble listening and actually hearing. It’s hard. I wish I could offer a solution and tell you what to do about things like what I’ve been struggling with but today I can’t. This is not a post with a problem and solution, right now it’s simply a post with my thoughts adding to the conversation.

Maybe someday soon I will be able to post something helping people in my situation out, with a magic key I’ve been overlooking this whole time.

For now I will simply continue to pray. I will pray knowing my Savior has my heart on his mind and my plan at the palm of His hand.

I will pray for guidance lifting my struggles to Him and I will not worry. I have faith in the Lord and I know if He lets me make a decision leading to another trap or more hazardous conditions it is only because there is something to be learned in that situation.

I will pray, because I think when we are stuck between two walls and we’ve only talked ourselves deeper this is what He wants us to do. Because even though it’s hard to listen and hear Him, that doesn’t mean we should stop, it means we should be more persistent.

I will pray because that is my way of turning to him and releasing the grip I have on my problems. I will stand in awe with my heart completely abandoned knowing all I truly am is His.

I will pray because I know that even if I end up heartbroken from my choices it was because He wanted me drawn closer to Him.

In this world I have come to find there is nothing completely consistent and reliable, even the people we see as a solid rock in our lives can have a change of heart at the drop of a hat. That’s why sometimes the right vs. right choices have unexpected turns, because life is unexpected.

This can be hard and scary but I think God did that so that we could see the true beauty in his complete and total steadfast nature.

I am ending this post with a sense of peace. Not because I am done struggling or because I have a solution but because in the midst of writing all this I was reminded that he has already shown us the way and the problems I see as big and scary and intimidating are less than minute in the greater scheme of it all.

No matter what happens or where I go I should be completely content because in the end Jesus has already won and while my worldly heart may break and hurt, my eternity is secure in the hands of the creator of the universe.

If that isn’t security and comfort I don’t know what is.

Sometimes I think Jesus lets us struggle and stays quiet when we think he should speak because he wants us to stumble upon the fact that he’s already taken care of it all.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:6-7